Cognizance

Book Launch 08.12.2020 This Old Book
Photo credit: John Lacson

When you’re a child, the impossibility is never so impossible. You aren’t afraid to wish for things that are only limited by your imagination. A pet dinosaur that you can take to school. Superpowers that make you more powerful than the monster lurking in your closet at night. Unlimited number of wishes. 

You learn how the world works through disappointment and small triumphs. You learn how to mitigate your expectations. You reign in your dreams because now, you’re afraid to dream.

I spent hours upon hours in front of a green monitor when I was a kid. Typing out stories and printing them on form feed paper through a dot matrix printer. I wrote journal entries, short stories, and novel length fanfic. I made up characters that became friends in my head. I lived a better version of myself in that little world that I created and controlled.  

But not once did I ever admit that I wanted to be an author someday.

I was too afraid to dream.

I set my sights on other things, ones that were achievable or just out of reach enough to be a respectable carrot-on-a-stick goal. These were aspirations that I can discuss over adult conversation and have everyone in the circle relate to and nod in appreciation. Some of these, I achieved, others I discarded. But it was acceptable to do that because they weren’t lofty dreams to begin with. There was logic behind the decisions and the world approved.

Real authors would talk about their ambitions and the work that went behind it. The obstacles were daunting. The target was impossible to reach. I didn’t feel that I would ever be good enough for any of it. How dare I even consider it. How dare I dream.

So I didn’t. I didn’t give that dream a voice.

Writing lost the spotlight in my life. It played supporting roles and every now and then, someone would recognize it and attempt to give it another chance. I shied them away from the stage at first but little by little, I opened them up to people whom I knew would not laugh at me for it. These people may or may not have understood the fragility of it all but they held my hand and told me, in many different ways, it’s okay to dream. 

Yesterday was the official book launch of my first published work. My. First. PUBLISHED. Work.

It was everything that I was afraid to dream of.

I sit here, filled with gratitude and awe for everything that has made this possible. I realize that this was something I’ve wanted for so long but couldn’t or wouldn’t admit it. That was wrong. This dream deserves to have a voice. Now more than ever.

This is my dream come true.

~ Zee

#DreamBig #Reverie #WoolGathering #BehindTheScenes #BookLaunch #Musings #NewAuthor #Gratitude #LivingTheDream

Published by zee

Outside the comfort zone

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